And to underline what you said earlier: You never have to suck a dick at all. But there are many, many ways to give a blowjob. All sorts of details that our writer here doesn’t really need right this minute. You know a lot of men really like 69ing as well. Or want to look at you while they’re being blown, much less look down at you. Then I just close my eyes and focus on what I’m doing, the sensations of it, the noises that I’m hearing from them, and the reactions of their penis for guidance on what I’m doing. Some of them can’t make eye contact with me while I’m blowing them, which is fine. Well, the amount of blowjobs that I have given to men in the United States who are deeply uncomfortable with the patriarchy, and deeply uncomfortable with replicating patriarchal power dynamics in bed isn’t trivial. Stoya: You also always hear that they want to look down at you while you do it, which is not the case either. What you hear is that every guy wants a blowjob. I mean, there are a lot of guys who are just like, I want to fuck, you know? Again, I think our writer’s inexperience is distorting their perception. They could take or leave it, or use it as foreplay. Something that is quite common, though, is a guy that says, “Well, I can’t come from a blowjob.” That would render it, I think for many of those guys inessential.
Rich: I would say that it’s less common to come across a guy who flat-out hates a blowjob. Stoya: I’m the only person who’s in the market for that bumper sticker. Stoya: There are those who will not let me blow them and my blowjobs are as good as my baklava.
There are definitely guys who are less enthusiastic about blowjobs than others. That’s not the only thing that you can do in bed with a guy. That said, if you don’t want to suck a dick, you don’t have to. So like, yeah, of course, it’s going to be intimidating. So our writer is writing from the perspective of somebody who’s never fondled a dick, who’s never been in close quarters with a hard dick. You do something long enough, you understand that it’s not really that big of a deal. I think that probably what played some role is just the handling of it, the familiarity. Maybe it was my relationship with work and capitalism and all of that maturing. Maybe it was traveling and handling foreign cash, which at the beginning of traveling internationally, felt like Monopoly money. Eventually, this thing just sort of dissipated. Maybe it was a weird manifestation of my discomfort with the commodification of my body or the way that feminists commodified my own consensual commodification. Bonus if they would just take pity on me and flatten out the cash themselves and feed it into the machine. I would take the sock to a friend and ask them to stand with me while I put it into the ATM. Then I would take the ball of cash and shove it in a sock. I would take the cash quickly, and shove it somewhere. When I was doing conventions, you handle a lot of cash, and for the first five years, I did not want to touch the cash. Send me updates about Slate special offers. If I do get back in the scene in the future and find myself staring down the barrel of a penis, how should I quell the nausea? What can I do to be comfortable with the idea of a dick in my mouth? Are there some magical guys out there who would be content with never getting a blowjob? I would prefer to not stress about how much of a gender failure I am for the rest of my life. It’s not a pressing issue because I’m happy in my current relationship, but I sometimes lie awake thinking about how no cis man would ever be happy with me and I should resign myself to lesbianism (don’t get me started on the issue of wearing a wedding dress). The idea of some man looking down at me while I pleasure him-maybe this is rooted in gender roles, but again, just the thought upsets me. I have no problems eating people out or with any other kind of sex and I like to consider myself adventurous and open-minded, but I fear I can never be with a cis man because I don’t want to suck his dick. The idea of giving a blowjob to any kind of dick, silicone or organic, revolts and upsets me to the point of tears. I’ve had sex with women and trans men, but never a cis man, and though I’m not opposed to the idea, one thing, in particular, stresses me out. I’m a college-aged, assigned female at birth, bisexual person who has so far only had relationships with women. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here.
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